Somewhere along the road in adulthood friendship becomes more complicated.  Whether you are a young adult entering the work force or a busy parent managing kids’ schedules and carpools, friendship seems to take a backseat to other life priorities.  If you have ever thought “why is making friends in adulthood so hard”, you are far from alone.

In childhood friendship was built into our days in the classrooms, sports fields and after school activities.  Spending time with the same group of kids allowed friendships to evolve naturally.  As adults those natural spaces get much smaller and we must choose to establish and maintain friendships. 

We are biologically wired for connection with other humans.  The Bible speaks at length regarding this deep need.  “It is not good for man to be alone”. (Genesis 2:18).  The world tells us that independence is strength, but that is not God’s desire for our lives.  “It’s better to have a a partner than go it alone.  Share the work, share the wealth.  And if one falls down, the other helps, but if there’s no one to help, tough!”  (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). 

In a world that seems connected 24/7 many researchers are diving into the loneliness epidemic.  (Google it).  But those digital connections are not a substitute for true human connection.  You are not doing it wrong if you feel as though it’s difficult to form adult friendships. It’s not as easy as saying “hey, wanna be friends” to another kid on the playground.

So, what can you do about it?  Find your alternate space.  By this, I mean find a group that speaks to your outside interests.  It can be a bible study, a running group, a book club, etc.  I know, I know, I know…..  It is very difficult to find the time in normal adult life, but your health and happiness literally depends on it.

Be the first one to reach out.  I admit, I have been guilty of assuming that everyone already has their friends, or they are too busy, or they would not want to be my friend.  This simply is not the truth.  Most people would be happy to receive a text from you asking to meet for coffee or go see the latest movie together.  Just be brave and ASK!

Focus on quality over quantity.  Most adults don’t have a friend group consisting of 10 of their best buddies.  It is very common to have one or two “ride or dies”, the “A team” as I refer to it.  These are the people that would be there in a heartbeat if you need them and vice versa.  You honestly only need 1 or 2 friends that know your heart and that you can be authentic with.  These are the friends that don’t require a freshly vacuumed house before they stop over.

So ask yourself, “who could I invite over for coffee” (and don’t vacuum) and then send the text.  I cannot count how many times a friend has reached out and I have felt so blessed that they did.  (Note to self….  Be better at taking the initiative)

So, this is the challenge….  Challenge yourself to send two friend-vite texts this week.  You will be so glad you did!